Memoir # 4 Manic in Missouri
I had my first full blown manic episode in March 2009. I had this idea, or false belief, which later I learned is called being delusional that I had a calling to go to Kansas City and join a ministry called “The Call” with the International House of Prayer. After I went to a conference the year before in Montgomery and watch a short video about it I wanted to join. I think I was desperate to be a part of something big, something special and important. I felt so strongly about going that know one could have talked me out of it because I would not have listened, in fact I didn’t listen to my family when they tried to talk me out of it. I thought I had to go or I would not be doing what I was supposed to be doing. I left my apartment the night and I set out on my journey to move from AL to Kansas City, MO. My adrenaline was pumping and I had no idea what I was doing but thought that I did. My car was jam packed full of my stuff but I had to leave most things behind and did not care at the time or know what I was going to do with it because I did not plan on coming back. I was listening to a voice in my mind telling me that I would die if I went back into that apartment and got anything else. So I left, in the dark, driving. I got lost. I was not even driving North, I was just driving as if the car was driving me and I ended up sleeping in my car that night, at a place called Tannehill State Park. Along the way, before I made it to Tannehill I drove into a trailer park and knocked on a stranger’s door asking if anyone told him that I was coming? thinking that God was going before me and he would speak to the person telling them I was coming before I showed up. How crazy is that? And dangerous! The man said no but he asked if I wanted to come in so I did. I sat down with him and I remember being a little afraid but not too bad however, I knew that I needed to go. He told me some things about his family and about his grandchild who was sick, I think he had diabetes or something like that. I remember that I prayed with the man and when he asked if I wanted to stay I told him that I was not. I left the trailer park after knocking on another door but the man who answered this time scared me so I left as quick as I could. The security guard at the park told me that there were not any cabins available except one but that he was still waiting on them to show up but let me park there and stay in my car. That night it poured down rain, hard. It rained so hard it looked like I was in one of those drive through car washes, buckets and buckets of water being poured down. I don’t think I slept very much at all, and when morning came I brushed my teeth outside my car with water from a water bottle and thought about where I was going, then suddenly remembered that I had plans today to babysit.